Parents: "Speed Limits" for Their Kids
2/10/2008
Are you a speed limit for your kids? Much like we check the white highway sign for the legal speed limit when we enter a new town, kids are constantly checking their moms and dads for signs to see if they are within the "legal" limits of the family. We feel safer and less anxious when we are in a school zone, hospital zone, or construction zone if we know what is the safe speed to drive. By knowing this limit, we know that we are SAFE to drive without getting pulled over by a police officer. We know our limits and this makes us feel more secure and not so worried.
Limits tell our kids what we expect of them. When we give our kids rules we tell them: this is what behavior I expect of you and I won't tolerate anything else. Limits tell the kids, this is where I draw the line before you are in big trouble! Limits are usually stated as rules. And rules just reflect the values of the family - what mom and dad believe is right for each one to do, think, and believe. God's values that He teaches give parents the responsibility to make rules that teach God's principles. Limits or rules are not designed to manipulate behavior, but to provide protection and care for your children- really for all the people in your family.
“Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”(Ephesians 6:1) Children only have two direct commands from God and this is one of them. We need to make it easy for our children to obey us, by teaching them TO obey. Parents do this by setting rules and consequences and being consistent with the enforcement. We have to work hard ourselves to give our kids what they need.
But do kids really need all those rules? Yes, because limits help children to respect other people's property, space, and personal selves. They also give your children a sense of security. We've all seen the 2 year old saying "NO" and throwing a temper tantrum at a parent's feet. Children will feel lost, confused, and out of control when no one helps them to control their behavior. But limiting a child's behavior so that they are loved and watched over and cared for gives a child a sense of being protected. Children know when an adult is not protecting them or watching over them. They will bounce around, throw things, scream and yell and often do something dangerous just to get their parent's attention. They will say by their behavior if not in their words, "Pay attention to me. I am so little and I don't know how to do anything without you. Please give me some structure, some guidance, some boundaries." Of course, children don't know how to ask for this in words, but by their misbehavior children will demand that their parents care for them.
Caring for children full time is a hard job. A lot of parents are just not prepared for the demanding work that taking care of and raising kids requires. Parents may still want to be taken care of themselves. They may not want to share the attention that they once had, with their child. Or, a parent may not have grown up with limits themselves and are resentful of having to make limits at all. A parent may not feel adequately trained or skilled and parenting their child makes them feel anxious. Parents must first accept that they are in charge of their child and they must make it possible for their children to behave. Calm not chaos should be the rule in a home for children to have a healthy environment in which to grow and be all that God wants them to be.
So give your child rules. Set limits on what they can do and can't do. You are the only one that loves your child so much that you will help them to become their best self, and help them to behave so others will like them, and so that they will respect others.
Here is a list of limits that you may use. They are based on family values that work, as well as God's teachings on relationships. These limits will need to grow and change as your children grow and your family changes.
- Belongings - clothing, TV, CD's, DVD's, toys, books
- Bedtime - when, how, where
- Use of the telephone, TV, computer
- Language- profanity, yelling, talk to siblings, talk to parents
- Mealtime - when, where, how they sit, what is discussed, what they eat
- Chores - who does what, when
- Use of time - TV, video games, naps, studying, playing
- School responsibilities - homework
- Manners - when, how to use them, what works where
- Respect - for authority, for others, for others property
“Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained for it.”
Hebrews 12:10-11
Show your child real love: care enough to give them "speed limits" and help them to become all that God wants them to be!
Posted By: jonealkirby | 73 views
Tags: children, parents
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