Moms, You're Doing So Much of it Right!
10/9/2008
It’s A Mom Thing—Oct. 4, 2008 White’s Ferry Road Church West Monroe, Louisiana
Moms, You Are Doing So Much Right!
By Joneal Kirby
The other day, I received a email from a young woman – a young mom. In her message to me, she was putting herself down for not getting all her chores done -- for not having gotten her house clean. Instead, she has spent the afternoon playing with two of her sons. And now it was night and she was feeling so disappointed about what she had not accomplished that day. She was so sure that others, including her own mother, were probably thinking she was just being really lazy or unmotivated.
This young woman is a working mother with three little boys, two are twins. She has NO spare time in her life- no time to do anything extra.She is always taking care of her children, her home and her husband and her job is in a very high-stress environment. And yet she’s spending time worrying what other people think about her.
And you know what people think is… "How does she get it all done?”
“She is amazing.” “What a terrific mom! I wish I had 1/10 of her energy.” Others also may think “God sure blessed her family with a terrific wife and mother” and “I'd love to be like her."
I really believe that is what other people think about this precious young mother.
And I have to believe also that God knows that she and all of us are doing the BEST we can most of the time.… and the rest of the time we are trying to do the best we can.
I don’t believe that any of you moms wake up thinking:
“Today, I hope I just do a mediocre job as a Mom.”
“Boy, if I just average out today…. that will be fine with me.”
NO, You MAMAS DON”T THINK THAT! You strive each day to give your families your best.
The apostle Paul struggled his whole life with imperfection. This great servant of God, didn’t always get it right.
He battled with problems so much that the scriptures tell us that he CRIED to God about it. And the Lord said to Paul --what He says to us each day:
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”Isn’t that what is so amazing about Grace? God just gets stronger just when we need Him.
Wow! And we, you and I can say like our Brother Paul,
“God I am happy to boast about my weakness if that allows the power of Christ to work through me!”
I’m a marriage and family therapist. Most of my clients are women, and I have noticed that many women – many Moms - are full of self-doubts and negative thoughts about themselves – like this young mom was. Many moms struggle with really negative feelings - like shame and guilt and feeling embarrassment over their life.
You know -- those kind of thoughts and feelings don’t work too good for BUSY MOMS.
And I’m not speaking of really earned guilt – Like when you’ve really messed up. God has fixed our souls so that we will ache over sin. Those are times when our humanity has broken us. But NOTHING you or I can do can fix that. Oh, we need to say “I’m Sorry”… and “I didn’t mean to hurt you”. And do the repair – and the repentance work. But nothing will fix our brokenness here on earth. The only cure for our sin-filled nature is Jesus and spending eternity in Heaven with Him.
But -- I just have a hard time believing that God says:
“Shame on you – for not cleaning your closets before company comes.”
I just don’t think God gives us guilt over:
“How could you even think about having your friend’s baby shower without cleaning your carpets first?!”
But what gets many moms in the most emotional trouble is thinking this:
“What will people think?”
“What would people think if they knew that I don’t prepare a nutritious meal every night?”
“And how could I even think – even dare to -- take a nap in the middle of the day… with SO much to do?!”
“My mother would die if she knew how my kids went to school looking today!”
And that kind of guilt, ladies – that kind of humiliating self-talk – negative thinking is ridiculously un –useful.
And SATAN loves it. He loves for women to feel that kind of guilt – to bind us up feeling badly about ourselves.
Satan loves for us to believe that we are less of a woman, less of a mom – less of a person – because - we didn’t dust the fans or bake a pie – or had our kids perfectly behaved before we invited people to our homes.
Or - graduate from college, or have a perfect marriage, or …
Well, I think that you get the picture. We get ourselves in trouble really bad when we start comparing ourselves to others too.
Many women have spent a lot of their life, believing all the negative and critical statements that may have been said to you… and even ones that you IMAGINED people were thinking about you.
That is not necessarily CRAZY – But it sure can drive you crazy! Do you want to quit that crazy-making thinking? Or as someone once put it ‘stinkin’ thinkin’ ?
Let me share a little brain information with you.
In recent years, some break-throughs have been made in brain research.
Neuroscience technology has created a brain scan that makes it possible to literally see certain points in the brain that contain the chemicals of both negative and positive thoughts and feelings.
What this technology has found is that the positive feelings and thoughts – like “I did a great job!” -- tend to flow easily through the system. However, Negative thoughts such as -“What an idiot, I can’t believe I made such a fool of myself!” - and Negative emotions -- Like, “I’m afraid I won’t get that job.’’’ stay blocked and frozen in the brain. Over time, anxious, depressed and defeated feelings accumulate. The brain then gets stuck. And stays focused on these highly charged, negative thoughts and feelings.
You’ve probably heard it said that it takes 5 positive statements or interactions to undo 1 negative – and this is the reason why. Negative thoughts get stuck in the system because they are neurologically-chemically- stronger than positive ones.
God knows the power of our brains. And he said this:
“As a man (or woman) thinks so is she.” (Prov. 23:6-7)
As Moms, we all know how hard we work to protect our children’s sense of self. You know that part of themselves that knows true, unconditional love and acceptance that comes from us - and from God. And we all know that negative statements
can erode our sense of well-being. Children really tend to
believe negative or critical statements made by teachers and parents, and they can develop an unhealthy idea about themselves if they are criticized on a regular basis.For these reasons, we’re taught not to let others put us down and not to put others down. But guess what?
Sometimes the person eroding our sense of worth is us!
That’s right. Our own self talk, or the words we use in our inner thoughts – what we say to ourselves - can actually
-increase our stress levels
-limit our effectiveness in what we do
-and color our whole lives with negativity.
Moms: you have the highest calling in this life of ours. You are a mother. You are responsible for not only bringing life to this world, but keeping your children safe and to provide an environment where they can grow to be all that God designed them to be. If you keep negative, destructive thoughts about yourself running through your brain, you are really giving your child less of you than they deserve and they need. What your kids need is the BEST of you, Mom. You need to NEUTRALIZE that negative information that you feed into your brain and store there. And when you do you will begin to experience feelings and thoughts of real inner peace and joy that God wants to give you.
And those peaceful, joyful feelings will begin to color your life instead.
Change the way you talk to yourself. For instance: instead of saying “I just can’t handle this.” You begin to say to yourself, “I’m not sure of what to do. I wonder what I need to do to handle this?”
If you say to yourself, “I can’t do something” your mind – --your brain as we’ve said – believes you. You limit actually what you can do when you tell yourself YOU CAN’T. You have the power within you that is supernatural. God’s provided you with all you need through the Holy Spirit. God didn’t give you fear, or worry, or timidity, or foolish thinking. One of my favorite verses is II Timothy 1:7. “God did not give you a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and self-control.”
He gave you His Spirit and that gives you power over your thoughts, self-control over your feelings and the self-discipline you need to be your best.
And you know it really helps too, when someone believes in us and tells us so.
In the past few days, I’ve been really praying about this day and the things that were going to happen here today.
Chrys’s goal for this event is to recognize and appreciate all that you Moms do. Today was designed so that you will feel and know the support that God gives you as His child in His messages of love, affirmation, and acceptance. Today was built around the truth that through the power of Jesus, you can be the best woman, the best wife, the best mom that is possible for you to be. God’s given you His love, mercy and grace in such overwhelming measures. He has given us a church- people to support and love us, He has given us His Word to guide us- to give us inspiration in the Truth and strength.
I wanted to share with you a message from God. I wondered if He were to write you a personal letter, if it might say something like this:
Dear Daughter of Mine:
You’re an amazing woman. I’m so glad that you are one of my children. I know you are amazing because I watch you as you go about your day caring for your children.
I am so proud of you. You may not have had enough people there on earth, even people in your own family, to tell you that. But I want you to know that I have been proud of you since you first joined my family. I am so touched that you chose to love me and to offer yourself in my service. And I see you do that each day in the way that you give yourself to your children – to your own family. Sometimes, I wonder how it is that you are able to do all that you do and give as much as you give. I know you get weary and worn out. I know that you don’t always get what you need. But you seem to always be filled with just the amount of love that your kids need when they need it. I guess I can understand that!
You truly know how to be compassionate, kind, and wise just when its needed. Your children are so blessed to have you as their Mom. Of all the people in the world that I have made, I knew you would be the perfect person for your kids to have as their mother. And I have noticed that you are trying really hard to change some things that make you unhappy. I am saddened when I see your unhappiness – especially when you get angry or disappointed in yourself. Do you know that I love you just the way you are? You bring me such joy! And I have loved seeing your capacity for joy! I’ve seen you laugh out loud when your baby took his first steps. I saw you that night when your heart so overflowed with gratitude that you had tears in your eyes as you watched your beautiful child sleep. And I know of the true pleasure you felt when your children all gathered up in your bed reading stories from My Word. I know how significant that was to you.
I long for you to know how significant you are to me. I know that you sometimes judge yourself by what you think others think of you. I know others can be unkind, unloving and unforgiving. I hope you will Trust me and trust this truth. I know you better than anyone, and I graciously pour out my love and my devotion to you because you are mine. I know other people can be unkind and critical, but I am not. And please believe me that I cover you - and all my children with an uncommon love – an always forgiving love. And my love never fails and never ends. I am watching out for you in all that you do. I hope you will have a life full of abundance, rich in all that matters. A life with your family that is filled up with, overflowing with joy, and a peace that is immeasurable. I will do my part to pour that all out on you, as you in turn give your heart to me every day of your life.
I want you to know that there is nothing that you can do that would change my mind about you. I am so proud of you, and I will always love you. Your Father
Ladies, God loves us with an incomprehensible love.
You are doing so much of life right. You are amazing women. And God loves you just the way you are.
Posted By: jonealkirby | 105 views
Tags: children, Mom Thing, moms, mothers, parents
Related Articles